i'm gonna be embarrassed of these internet journals in a few years, i know it.
i'm gonna be embarrassed of these internet journals in a few years, i know it.
saying random french phrases is funny. waking up with one of your socks underneath your pillow and having no idea what's up is also funny. buying size two jeans feels awesome and listening to reggae after drinking some wine is also awesome. bastille day motherfuckerrrr
i really miss my boyfriend, i wish he'd come see me.
i'm trying to get lynsey in chicago to get an apartment with me so i absolutely can't leave again once i'm there. i know if i had to pay rent, etc, i wouldn't be so flighty. i need stability and responsibility or else i'm quick to jump ship. i think that's why a lot of my life is lame, haha.
+100 awesome points for putting my electric blanket back on my bed. nights are cold lately.
+100 more awesome points for having two more days off!
and born lippy lip gloss from the body shop! today was great, thank yooou
OH MY GOD, fuck whatever i said in my last post, look what i just found. WILL BE MINE.
i should have been sleeping hours ago, but instead i decided to go out on a limb and spend some time alone. it was nice enough, then fred showed up. that made it better. i don't really like being by myself in public anymore. i forgot how boring i am. especially to myself.
i'm sure a few people who read this will remember when i was covered in red dots. some allergic reaction? or maybe just severely dry itchy skin, who knows? but anyway, it has been gone for a few months now and i'm just starting to wear short sleeves again. gradually. i don't like to show my arms anyway. i think now that the dots have been defeated i might get that tattoo i wanted. that's just extra money to spend though. i'm finding a lot of my money goes to things i don't really need. i am getting tired of being that way. i don't care about material things as much as i used to. i care a lot about getting back to chicago and seeing my "boyfriend".. ha. boyfriend. i still think that word is retarded and i don't even know if he's my boyfriend now or not. i guess it doesn't matter, it's just a name for someone i love, i guess. and i'll love him even if he's not my boyfriend. i don't know how to be normal, i guess this proves it. a lot of things prove it though, really.
i was listening to geoff farina in my mom's car as loud as i could stand with all the windows down, hands freezing cold and getting stiff and hair whipping me in the face... it was nice. i've been having a lot of "perfect moments" lately where i just feel really at ease and comfortable with everything. sometimes my life feels like a complicated mess of unhappy times, work, bad dreams, missing and being missed (i hope), and sun in my eyes... and then i'll have a moment of happiness that is fleeting, but still worth mentioning.
as much as i hate my job, i think i might request the open full-time position. if i take that i'll be making more money (barely, but still...) and working basically the same hours. also i'll get personal days and sick time. i miss that kind of thing. and my mom said i could get health insurance through them and she'll pay the difference in my check each week which makes me feel like a baby, but i can't afford it on my own so i'll have to say yes. then i'll put in for my transfer. i will wait about a month before doing that though. at least a month. maybe longer. depends on what they'll be paying me here. i'm gonna try to get 9 (god that is depressing) but i'm sure i won't get it (god that is even more depressing). i'll be applying for other jobs as well. tuesday is applying day. if anyone wants to cart me around that day (doubtful!) i will buy them lunch and if it last into dinner i'll buy that, too.
i'm becoming obsessed with vintage avon pins lately. it might be an odd thing to get into, but i think they're so cute and they make my junk clothes look cute. i think. maybe not. probably not. either way i like them.
i am really into these two little guys, but i don't really want to pay 15$+shipping for them.
those are cute, too. much cheaper as well. we'll see. i doubt i'll even remember looking at them tomorrow. if i don't dream about them or think about them tomorrow at work i will not bother with them, i swear.
i have to get up in like 5 hours. yuck.
kim was like (4:08:41 AM): hahahaha suffocation shirt for real?
illliveilldie (4:10:48 AM): hahahahahahaaahaahahaha
illliveilldie (4:10:55 AM): METALLLL
illliveilldie (4:10:58 AM): 666666666666
kim was like (4:09:02 AM): hahahaha
illliveilldie (4:11:15 AM): kill your mother rape your dog
illliveilldie (4:11:21 AM): ahaha
kim was like (4:09:26 AM): i love that song cause it sounds like cookie monster is singing
illliveilldie (4:11:31 AM): yessssss
kim was like (4:09:31 AM): that's totally dying fetus though
kim was like (4:09:32 AM): DUH
negative night time? no thanks! going to bed instead. tomorrow's the 4th of july. gonna watch fireworks. gonna eat roast beef at my uncle's. gonna have fun times after work. gonna be great. gonna stay positive no matter what. it's working so far...
i'm taking your picture down from my wall today. looking at you makes me sad now.
anyway, my exboyfriend is engaged. i hope i don't get invited to the wedding. i really dislike weddings.
today kind of feels like it's going to suck.
i half want to sit in my room and listen to malcolm middleton for the rest of my life, and half want to never hear these beautiful pathetic songs ever again. i think i enjoy love/hate relationships far too much. you annoying redhaired man always singing exactly what i'm thinking. makes me want to "fuck my guitar and drink myself deaf"
excuse me now, i have to sit in my room with the lights off and be goth (just kidding.. i'm going to sleep)
i've been posting on bco again. sort of. not really. i don't know. i want them to do a board wipe so when i search for something 80 threads of nonsense doesn't get mixed up with the results. i typed resluts the first time. funnier word.
also, i heard ladytron on the work radio today. terrifying. still hate that band. never was into dancing.
my stomach hurts. i'm sure it will hurt all day and night and tomorrow because i have off tomorrow and why should i enjoy it?! ha

Recent Comments